Do you even Care?
by CountryPopPrincess1123
Summary: Clare is experiencing loss and abandonment. Who will help her? More summary inside
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Clare is not the same person she was in freshmen year, she has seemed to lose herself as she experiences traumatizing loses in her life. Now, she is a sophomore and is blocking out the world. Connor, Alli, and K.C. begin to worry about this new Clare. No one was ever there for her, and no one will ever be. Find out what happens when everything looked so perfect on the outside, isn't on the inside.

**A/N: This will all be in Clare's point of view. If it isn't, I'll tell you when it isn't. I'm trying out something new, and if you think there is anything I need to do to change it, and then be my guest. I accept all suggestions and ideas and I may use them for chapters. **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own these Degrassi characters.

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**Chapter 1**: No one was there, no one will ever be

_I never wanted my life to be like this, I never wanted it to be this way. However, I guess it's just the way fate is. My name is Clare Edwards and everything in my life is crumbling apart. Over the summer, my family and I went to Florida for family vacation and Darcy finally came back from Kenya and I was so excited she was back. We were staying in Florida for only a week and when the week was finally up, we headed back home. However, there was a major storm and the plane crashed. Everyone died in that plane crash, but me. I guess you can say it was a pure blessing that I didn't die, but to me, I wished I did. Now, I don't have a family and I live alone. Being alone, it's just a new feeling to me. My friends, they don't know and they will never know. They were never there, and never will be. Today is the first day of sophomore year and I'm not excited at all. I got up and put on dark blue skinny jeans, a red tank and a black hoodie, black converse, and put on eyeliner and lip gloss. Also, I got contacts so I'm without glasses. What happened to my uniform and glasses? I burned them. I wanted to burn everything from what was me from freshmen year. I got my book bag and trudged down the stairs to Degrassi. When I got there, I sighed and opened the door. Everyone was so happy, it depressed me. When I got my class schedule, my first class was Media Immersion. I sighed and walked in and saw K.C., Alli, and Connor laughing and talking. I can't even look at them without tears in my eyes. What happened to me?_

"Hey Clare," Connor said happily

"……."

"Hey are you alright?" K.C. asked with concern

"I'm fine, just leave me alone"

_I didn't want to deal with them, so I sat in the back in a corner. Then, K.C. came towards me, UGH! DIDN'T HE KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE ALONE MEANS!?! _

"Clare….you changed" K.C. said

"So? What are you getting at? And didn't I just tell you, Alli, and Connor to leave me the fuck alone!"

_I didn't mean to blow up, but K.C. was getting on my last nerve. I've changed; I'm not the same girl he knew in freshmen year. I'm not the geeky smart girl. I've learned to build up walls and not to trust anyone, because they can turn around and walk away from you in a blink of an eye._

"Clare, something happened, and I'm not going to leave until you tell me," K.C. said in a firm tone

"Well than fuck off Guthrie. Just fuck off and fuck yourself because I'm fine! I will always and forever be fine!"

_I was beyond boiling by now. I am pissed and I wanted him to go away. Doesn't he understand that? Well that did it, he left me alone with a sad face and I thought I saw a tear drop from the corner of his eye, but he quickly brushed it away. I didn't mean for him to cry, I'm just too scared to let him. I'm too scared to love him, even though I fell in too deep. His eyes, they hypnotize me. His hair is gorgeous and all I want to do is feel it. K.C. is the sweetest guy I had ever met, and we did have a fling. However, we decided to end it because it was too awkward and felt it was better if we stayed friends. It was mutual, but it still hurts inside. I got my iPod and the song "Pain" by Three Days Grace was playing through my ears, while Mr. Simpson was explaining something to the class. I heard his faint voice, but I tried to block it as the lyrics sunk through. It explains everything in my life. All I felt was pain, and no love._

"CLARE!" Mr. Simpson shouted

_I took off my headphones and glared at Mr. Simpson as I said coldly,_

"What?"

"Your not aloud to have music on in class," said Mr. Simpson as he folded his arms over his chest

"So? I can do whatever the fuck I want"

"Language Miss Edwards. And no you can not. As long as you're under school rules, you can not listen to music while in class."

_I rolled my eyes and muttered "whatever" and he went back to teaching. When Mr. Simpson heard me cuss, he was shocked. I guess he never knew I would ever do that to him or anyone. This is what I mean by annoying. Everyone always just judges you by the way you act. It always bothers me because they're might be another side to that person. Just like me. Sure I'm smart, but there is a lot to me. The bell finally rang and I quickly got out of my seat and headed to my second period class, Biology. _

**LUNCH**

_I sat alone at lunch. Why? Because I wanted to, I got a lot of stares from guys and I just rolled my eyes. They are nothing but a pair of hormonal bastards. I finally felt a presence before me and realized it was K.C. Will that boy ever give up?_

"Clare, there is something wrong. Why won't you tell me what's wrong? What have I ever done to you?" K.C. said sadly

_I looked into his eyes and sighed._

"Because no one was there, no one was ever there and neither were you."

_I walked out of the cafeteria and Degrassi. Screw this. I went back to my house and slammed the door, I got a razor blade and pressed it against my skin and felt the warm red liquid come out of my cut. I winced and put a band aid over it. There was more to what happened with the Florida crash. After that, I began to show signs with depression and when everyone from my family started disappearing and dying, I was alone. I had no one to talk to. You question what happened with Connor, Alli, and K.C.? They were off in their own world; they were having the best summer of their lives. While with me, I was living in hell, I still am and that will never change._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own these Degrassi characters.

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**Chapter 2: **When You Were Gone

_I thought feeling nothing would be better than feeling something. But after a while, I realized I want to feel something. I want to feel again. I don't want to be numb anymore. I feel a tear come out of the corner of my eye and I wipe it away quickly. I miss my family. I miss them because they were the only family I had. I shouldn't have said those things to K.C. I know he meant well, but I got to keep my guard down. I got to keep my wall built up because I know that once I let him into my life, he will just walk away. Today I wore my blue tank top and black hoodie, dark washed skinny jeans, black converse, and put on eyeliner and contacts. I sighed and grabbed my book bag and headed towards Degrassi. As I entered the doors, I saw K.C. stare at me with concerned eyes and I just shook my head. I headed towards my locker when he came up._

"Clare, I have always been there for you, what were you talking about yesterday?" K.C. said in confusion

_I was just looking at K.C., and I mean not in the whole "Oh my god you look so hott today kind of look", I mean with sadness, disappointment. Doesn't he remember summer? When I try to call him, Alli, or Connor, they would never pick up! Then I said softly,_

"You didn't answer my calls over the summer, neither did Connor or Alli"

"That's because we were having fun Clare. We tried calling you, but you would never pick up," K.C. said with sadness

_K.C. is lying through his teeth. I can see it in his eyes, that they never wanted me there. They thought I would make the fun all boring huh? Whatever though._

"You're lying Guthrie. I can see it in your eyes, and you know what? People change over the summer. They are not the same person they were a year ago. So what I am the smart geeky girl, but that doesn't mean I will always be like that! Fuck! K.C.! When I needed you, Alli, Connor the fucking most…YOU GUYS FUCKIN DIDN'T PICK UP!"

_Oh. Fuck. I just yelled…in front of tons of people. They are staring at me like I'm a crazy person. Fuck fuck fuck. I just ran out of there and into the girl's bathroom. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I just shook my head. What happened to me…? This isn't the same girl who worried about grades, education, and all that fucked up stuff. Also, being a good Christian girl. Now, things have changed. I'm more of an emo person, I can't open up to people. As I stare at myself, I don't see the Clare Edwards I used to know._

**AFTER SCHOOL**

_I decided to go home, when I spotted K.C. Oh. My. God! Will he just leave me alone?!_

"Clare. Please tell me what the fuck is wrong with you?! Ever since the first day of school you have treated me like shit! I thought we were friends!" K.C. shouted in anger

_I glared at him and whispered._

"We were….but now things have changed"

"What has changed Clare?! Oh my fucking god! Just tell me for god sakes! You can trust me with anything! You should know that by now!" K.C. shouted in anger

_I looked at him and rage took over me before I could stop myself,_

"When you, Alli, and Connor were off in "Having fun land" I was stuck dealing with my family's death! That's right! My family is fucking dead! My mom! My Dad! And my sister! And you know what else is sad?! People keep on disappearing on me! You! Alli! Connor! Hell even some of my family has disappeared! I'm alone K.C.! A-L-O-N-E! ALONE! I have fucking no one! Do you know how the fuck that feels?! To feel like everything that was once happy was taken from you in the blink of an eye!? I don't think so!"

_I realized what I had spilled out, and looked up and saw K.C., he had tears in his eyes and pulled me into a tight hug. I didn't hug back at first, but then slowly got into the hug and felt tears form slowly. From all the stress and cutting, and also building up those walls I have worked for that summer, I feel as if maybe…just maybe…I can start opening again. I want everything to be alright. I don't want to be this way. Why do I? Then all of a sudden I hear K.C. say in a soft whisper,_

"I'm so sorry Clare…if I would have known…"

_That's the thing about people. When a person completely ignores you, and you're alone, and then all of a sudden wants to come back in your life and then leave again…what do you do? Just let them break your heart again? K.C. broke my heart a long time ago, but that doesn't matter now because I feel the pain, and somehow I'm not exactly offended by it. I'm used to the pain and misery. I'm used to getting disappointment from family and friends. It's just how I roll. _

"K.C. you left, you left me in the dust when I needed you the most…how can I ever trust you again when you can leave right now? Leave me alone to deal with this? Please don't tell the others about this either…or else I will fucking kill you"

_I felt my chin pulled up so we can meet eye to eye. His gorgeous brown eyes mesmerized me and he softly said,_

"I promise Clare, I will never hurt you again. If I do, hit me, smack me, punch me, do whatever you want because you do not deserve what you have been through. Just trust me is all I can say. We've known each other for a year now and you know my character by now. If there is anything you need me for, I'll be there for you. Also, don't worry. I won't tell the others, you need to tell them yourself because they need to hear it from you."

_I know he meant the truth, I saw it in his eyes, the sincerity and truth in his voice; I knew I could trust him. Softly I whispered back,_

"But maybe I don't want to tell the others. Maybe I just want everything, everything to just disappear. I wish that I died in that plane wreck K.C. Don't you understand that? Why was I the only one alive from that? I just don't get why life is putting me into depression and misery."

"Clare, don't ever say that. Without you in my life, it would never be the same. I need you because I love you. I would be a wreck without you, and I know life is putting you through depression and misery. But I'm going to help you get out of it," said K.C. with love in his eyes

_I felt another tear form in my eye, and wiped it away before he could see it._

"I love you too K.C. Just please…don't leave me."

_I know I sounded like a complete baby, but I don't care right now. At this moment, my walls that I have built up were crumbled, well, only half way. _

"I will never leave you Clare. Not ever."

_I think K.C. realized what had happened when he was gone because without him, he knew I would be dead myself._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of these characters

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**Chapter 3**: Feelings from the Past

_I thought everything was just a dream yesterday. I thought I would wake up to feeling nothing, like I always did. But, for some strange reason, I felt warmth inside of me. Something I had never experienced since my family died. I sighed, another day without them. Sometimes I just wish I could just pull the trigger myself. I put on black skinny jeans, converse, a black tank and hoodie, heavy eyeliner, and pulled my hair into a side ponytail. I looked at myself for the last time, maybe this will be the last time I will be depressed, maybe K.C. will help me, hopefully. I walked to school getting checked out by most of the guys at school. I groaned, they are such hormonal pigs. _

"Hey sexy," said Derek

_I tried to control my anger, but I ended up sneering_

"Lay off you hormonal bastard"

"Oooo Feisty aren't we? I like that in a girl," Derek said in a husky tone

_I think I just puked in my mouth, not joking. I whipped around, and smacked him, hard too. The whole school looked at me with shocked eyes and I just groaned. Great, more attention brought upon me. As I was walking pass K.C., he gave me a small smile, and in return I smiled back. Maybe things will be alright._

**LUNCH**

_As I was walking towards the cafeteria, I started to think about K.C. and our past relationship. Why did we stop our relationship? Everything was going fine, we were happy and just…caring about each other and being there for one another. Why did we make our break-up mutual? I don't remember wanting to break-up. I sighed and thought about the break-up…._

**FLASHBACK**

_I was so happy, K.C. just told me he wanted to talk to me, and I wonder what it was about though! We have been dating for about 3 months now. He is just so…I don't know. He is not like any other guy that I know and that's a good thing too. I walked up the steps of Degrassi to find him there looking…sad? I frowned and asked him,_

"What's wrong K.C.?"

_I looked into his eyes and I knew something was wrong. _

"Clare, your one awesome girl, I like you, I really do, it's just that, I think it's better off if we stayed friends," K.C. said with sadness

_I looked at him shocked; I never expected that to come up. I thought everything was going great, but I guess not. I hid my sadness and faked a smile and said,_

"Really? I have been feeling the exact same way too. I just never knew the words to put it in because you are a sweet guy and one of my friends."

_K.C. and I talked some more until the bell rang and we went to Media Immersion. I hid my hurt feelings and told Alli about the break up and she asked me if I was okay. I lied through my teeth and said that I felt the exact same way and that I wanted to break up with him too. It was mutual, but it did hurt inside._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

_The bell rang and I snapped out of my thoughts and walked to my next class, and then on I realized, I still love K.C._

**K.C.'s POV**

_I still love her. I will forever and always love her, I never stopped and I never will._

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**I'm so sorry that this chapter sucks!!!!**

**-Mickey xoxo**


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